"Nowadays you have to be a scientist if you want to be a killer."
"I am sufficiently proud of my knowing something to be modest about my not knowing all."
"My American sweet immortal dead love; for she is dead and immortal if you are reading this."
Hello to whomever I decided to share with blog with! Welcome to the first entry. I have been itching to read Lolita for quite some time and am very happy I finally got the chance. Now I know it sounds weird - any time I told someone I was reading Lolita I was hit with a very wary "okay.... why?" This is obviously because Lolita is widely known for its pedophilic story. I wanted to read it because the book has created two different cultures - an eating disorder culture amongst young girls online, and, unsurprisingly, a culture of a bunch of men looking for their own "nymphets." Both of these cultures are terrible, both of these cultures harm women, and after reading Lolita, I've learned that neither of these cultures were the author's intention when writing this book. I will go into depth on these later in this post, but I of course have to write an introduction first. I have to say, I should not have started this reading journey with Lolita. It's going to be tough to follow because this might actually be the best book I have ever and will ever read.
This was a long, difficult read, not only because of the content, but because of the way it's written. I annotate all of the books I read, but I entered a new level of annotations. It's old English. Not Shakespearean, but the kind of English where it makes you feel pretty damn stupid. Lots of metaphors, lots of reading between the lies, an ungodly amount of words to Google, French to translate, and allusions to understand. There are about three words to define on each page and an equal amount of allusions. You could read the book without understanding the allusions, but it makes it a much better read. You truly understand more of what the main character (H.H.) is thinking if you do. But damn, usually reading a page of a book takes about thirty seconds. One page of Lolita took 3-5 minutes. It was incredible, though. There is so much detail in every sentence of this book that I'm surprised it took Nabokov five years to write. A masterpiece like this should have taken at least ten years.
Anyways, let's get on with the points I want to discuss the most. I have a handy-dandy list below, which is how I will be separating this post. Warning! This post is very, very long. I recommend breaking up your reading into my sections:
2. The ice, glass, and mirrors.
3. Quilty.
4. "The Enchanted Hunters," the hotel and the play.
5. "Lolita" and the idolization of her from male-centric women and girls.
For those of you who have not read the book, I have two different summaries below, written by your beautiful new blogger. The first summary has spoilers. Yes, you should read this one to fully understand what I talk about in the rest of this post. Yes, even after reading the spoilers, you should still read this book. But if you really don't want to get super spoiled, read my non-super-spoiley summary after this one.
Summary
Humbert Humbert (H.H.) is a French author writing from prison, describing the story of he and his "nymphet" (as he likes to call her), Dolores. He refers to Dolores as "Lolita", but I am going to refer to her as her actual name and I will explain why in section five. H.H. is not his real name in the book, but a name he chose when writing his book. It is confusing, because H.H. is not real, it's actually Nabokov writing a book about a guy (H.H.) writing a book and the book we're reading is supposed to be the book H.H. wrote. Like a dream inside a dream.
Anyway, when H.H. is 13, he meets Anabelle, a 12-year-old. They try to have sex a few times and fail, but Anabelle dies. H.H. holds onto the fact that they never got to have sex and grows up to be a pedophile. He prefers girls from the ages 9-14 and describes them as "nymphets", young nymphs, who in Greek mythology, were beautiful nature-loving women who were constantly harassed by men. H.H. doesn't physically harm any girls until meeting Dolores. After H.H. spends time at a mental institution and after years of watching young girls, another character (less than minor) suggests H.H. move to the United States and stay with a family they know to improve H.H.'s writing. This family has a young girl of the age of 12, so of course H.H. goes.
The family's house burns down as soon as H.H. gets there. The family moves elsewhere and sets H.H. up to live with a lady named Charlotte Haze. H.H. goes to her house, hates it, makes plans to leave, but then meets Charlotte's 12-year-old daughter, Dolores (Lolita). Dolores looks just like Anabelle. H.H. does some creepy shit; Dolores and Charlotte are unsuspecting. Dolores goes to summer camp, and H.H. marries Charlotte to get closer to Dolores. Charlotte finds out he's a creep, then gets hit by a car before exposing him. H.H. picks Dolores up from camp, says Charlotte is sick in the hospital, and the two of them are going to travel. In their first hotel, The Enchanted Hunters, Dolores tells H.H. about her first sexual experience at camp. This is when H.H. first does the bad stuff to Dolores. He writes that she "came onto him first", which is debatable, to be discussed later in this post. He tells her Charlotte is dead, and they continue traveling for a year. Dolores obviously hates him and the two argue often. They finally land in a city called Beardsley and stay for a while.
In Beardsley, Dolores (still hating H.H.) goes to an all-girls school and eventually is allowed by H.H. to be in a play called "The Enchanted Hunters", the same name as the hotel where H.H. first raped Dolores. Coincidence? No. H.H. has a shadow, named Clare Quilty, who quietly appears throughout the book. Quilty was at this hotel at the same time as Dolores and H.H., then wrote this play of the same name. Dolores crushes on Quilty. H.H. has no idea who Quilty is or what's going on, Dolores and H.H. fight, and then Dolores pretends to be super happy with her life with H.H. and convinces him that they should go back to traveling.
H.H. has no idea that Quilty is following Dolores and H.H. He shows up a few times, there are hints, but H.H. still doesn't notice. He is very paranoid, but just not about the right things. Eventually, Dolores gets sick and has to stay at a hospital. Dolores tells H.H. to bring some of her stuff, he does, and the next day she's gone; according to the hospital staff, Dolores has been picked up "by her uncle." H.H. goes crazy trying to find her, even going to the hotels they previously stayed, and finds clues within the guest book. Quilty predicted H.H. would do this and never put his real name down, instead writing fake names that would tease and haunt H.H. H.H. gives up, dates a girl (of an appropriate age), and leaves her when Dolores (now 17) writes him, asking for money, and not giving up her address.
Dolores is now pregnant and married to a guy around her age. H.H. finds her and asks about the man she ran away with. She explains that it was Quilty, and H.H. feels stupid for not seeing the signs. Dolores also explains that after Quilty took her from the hospital, he tried to get her to film a porno with some other people at a ranch. She refused, he kicked her out, and that's the last she's heard from him. H.H. begs and cries for Dolores to go with him. She says no. He gives her money and leaves to find and kill Quilty. H.H. does so successfully and ends up in prison, writing this book. Honestly, it's the best case scenario after the abuse Dolores endured: one pedophile dead, the other in prison, Dolores happily married and starting a family.
Non-Super-Spoiley-Summary
French author (H.H.) is a pedophile. He moves to the United States and meets 12-year-old Dolores (Lolita). He becomes her step-dad and only parent. They travel the country, he doing bad things to her, she hating him, and end their travels in a new city. She meets another pedophile in the city and crushes on him. H.H. and Dolores travel again, Dolores runs away from H.H. with the other pedo. H.H. tries to find her, has no luck and gives up. When they reconnect years later, she's safe and not with any pedophiles. Dolores tells H.H. the story of her running away. H.H. leaves, commits a crime and goes to prison.
1. H.H. sucks and was written for readers to hate him.
Straight from the beginning, it's very clear that H.H. is 1. an unreliable narrator, and 2. a piece of shit. It can be hard to understand what's really going on when reading a book with an unreliable narrator. One statement will contradict another. H.H.'s descriptions of events often clash - this starts with the introduction of Anabelle. He claims he loved her dearly, however, all he talks about is their sex life. It seems as though the two didn't actually fall in love, they were just horny children experimenting with each other. We actually don't know much about Anabelle, and when H.H. mentions she died, he is more upset about the fact that they never had sex than he is about his "love" dying. When he first rapes Dolores, he describes her being the initiator (which wouldn't excuse his behavior anyway, as he is the adult in the situation), but she later says he raped her. He even describes himself as "a murderer with a sensational but incomplete and unorthodox memory." Any mention of Dolores' happiness with him, her "coming onto him," how he recollects events with minor characters, and even his description of how "desirable" and "attractive" he is should be taken with a grain of salt.
It's important to note that unreliable narration is more than just direct lies. Unreliable narrators also write in a way that misconstrues the reader's interpretation of the story. H.H. writes in an elegant, poetic style, forcing the readers to think about the writing technique instead of the disgusting events. Rather than directly writing about what he did to Dolores, he describes the scenery around them. He uses words that sound pretty and need further interpretation/descriptions. He speaks in French. H.H. writes in flowery language so we think "wow, that sounded so pretty" rather than "wow, this man fucking sucks." When H.H. gives Dolores sleeping pills so he can further abuse her, he tries to distract the readers from the issue by detailing the hotel's sounds, visitors, and decor. After Dolores supposedly initiates sex (or, more accurately, when he first rapes her), H.H. doesn't go into detail on the event and uses his flowery writing style. This is even followed by one chapter of explaining how he would repaint the hotel's dining room and another chapter about why loves "nymphets." Then the story continues after getting the readers' minds off of the abuse.
Unreliable narrators will also make attempts to sway the reader's opinions. H.H. constantly makes up excuses for himself, saying she started everything, she wasn't even a virgin, he isn't actually doing much damage to her, he's teaching her about sex, young girls have had sex with older men throughout history, and the excuse that comes up the most - he "genuinely loves her" - so everything he does is "sincere" and "romantic" rather than abusive. This isn't even half of the excuses he makes throughout the book. These are from just 20 pages.
However, Nabokov did an incredible job writing a book with a narrator who wants to make the audience not hate him, while still making it clear that we are absolutely supposed to hate him. Aside from the obvious pedophilia, H.H. is pretentious, stubborn, cocky, and selfish. He is a loner due to his selfishness, and he likes it this way. He pulls Dolores into this lifestyle as well. Anyone with half a brain can see that we are not supposed to like or feel sympathy toward H.H. He is manipulative, always is sure to say at least one rude thing about every character we meet, and even envisions himself murdering women. His sexism is (unsurprisingly) one of the worst things about him. H.H. never makes an attempt to form a genuine connection with any woman, bashes on them for just being themselves, and ignores their feelings. They are only covers to shield his pedophilia and not real people to him. I will touch on this more later, but H.H. is also incredibly fatphobic. He calls every single adult woman in this book fat. This is another thing that should be taken with a grain of salt - are these women fat, or are they just not little girls? Are they fat, or do they just have boobs and curves? And if they are fat, who fucking cares?
H.H.'s excuses for his behavior are constantly proven wrong by his actions. His excuses of "loving Dolores" and that he "isn't actually doing much damage to her" contradict how he treats Dolores. The most heartbreaking part of this whole book was part one, chapter 31. Dolores is in physical pain after being raped for the first time by H.H., realizes she's stuck traveling with only her abuser, and learns of her mom's death. She is truly alone, stuck, abused, and understands that this isn't going to end anytime soon. Dolores starts to be more assertive with H.H. about her negative feelings towards him. H.H. is completely aware that she absolutely hates him and the lonely life he has that he has dragged her into. Eventually, H.H. even has to bribe her to perform her "duties." H.H. keeps Dolores' life miserable outside of the rapes, too - he doesn't allow her to make friends, doesn't allow her to partake in things she enjoys, and the biggest gag is he doesn't even refer to her by her name. Instead of loving Dolores, H.H. is obsessed with Lolita. I will go into more detail in section #5 on why Dolores v. Lolita is important. Dolores' hate for H.H. is probably the only thing in the book he doesn't make the reader guess at, he directly explains it many times. The point is, if H.H. truly loved Dolores, he would not keep her this miserable.
H.H. even admits that he will not love her when she gets older. His preferred ages are 9-14, and Dolores is already getting close to leaving those limits. I do want to note that even if he did genuinely love Dolores, none of his actions would be okay. Loving her, a child, would not be okay.
Bad people will do one of three things: 1. make no excuses because they are aware of their behavior and don't care, 2. make no excuses because they aren't aware that what they're doing is bad, or 3. make a million excuses about their actions to try and convince themselves or others that they are good, when they know they are not. Good people will do one of two things: 1. make no excuses because they are confident in their decisions, or 2. only excuse/defend themselves when they are being attacked. H.H. is committing Bad People Action #3. Every time he makes an excuse, we ask "are you trying to convince me or yourself?"
Another example of H.H. knowing he is a bad person is how often he refers to Dolores as "prey" or a "victim". If he really thought he wasn't doing anything bad, he would not be referring to her as the prey to his predator.
2. The ice, glass, and mirrors.
Time is continuous and H.H. hates it. "Nymphets" will always either die or grow up, so H.H. dreams of stopping time to keep Dolores young and imprisoned. In part one, chapter five, H.H. writes, "I would have the reader seen 'nine' and 'fourteen' as the boundaries - the mirrory beaches and rosy rocks - of an enchanted island haunted by those nymphets of mine and surrounded by a vast, misty sea... on that intangible island of entranced time where Lolita plays with her likes." H.H. considers the concept of freezing time often, using glass and ice to represent it.
In part one, chapter 20, H.H. visits a lake with Dolores and Charlotte (Dolores' mom) called "Hourglass Lake". Instead of calling the lake by its actual name, H.H. likes to say "Our Glass Lake," which is representative of his struggle with time. Time is running out, Dolores is getting older, H.H. must act fast, and he wants to stop time by freezing it or solidifying it into glass. He imagines this same lake as "glazed over with a sheet of emerald ice" as he plans to sneak Dolores away and have his way with her. He plans to prevent this problem of "running out of time" by acting immediately, ignoring time, and imagining it freezing over. Spoiler: his plan doesn't work, he doesn't do anything to Dolores on this trip.
H.H. refers to ice cubes in part one, chapter 21, as "pillows for polar bear teddy, Lo" and realizes again she is affected by time when the warm water touches the ice cubes, "[the ice cubes] emitted rasping, crackling, tortures sounds as the warm water loosened them in their cells." This is right before Charlotte's death, when she is about to expose him as a predator, and H.H. feels that he has run out of time with Dolores.
In part one, chapter 20, H.H. wishes he had filmed Dolores' tennis playing behind a glass lens. "I could have had all her strokes, all her enchantments, immortalized in segments of celluloid." I don't feel the need to explain this one - pictures freeze time. This actually ties in with Quilty's attempt to film Dolores later in the book. Quilty also wants to immortalize Dolores.
Glass and mirrors shatter, and mirrors, mirages, and mirroring show up continuously throughout the book, shattering H.H.'s dream of Dolores staying within his nymphet boundaries forever. H.H. even describes Hourglass Lake as a "curious mirage," water affected by heat, nowhere near H.H.'s imagination of a lake coated in a sheet of emerald ice. Unfortunately for him, the lake even looked like it was saying that the plan wouldn't work. H.H. did get to beat the running of time in his own way, though, by writing the book. At the end of the novel, he explains that Lolita is now immortalized through his writings.
Mirrors and mirages continue in the story as a way of both showing H.H. reality and illusion. Quilty is a mirror of H.H., the Enchanted Hunters play is a mirror of the story's events, and Dolores has been picked apart and glued back together into a mirage: Lolita. More importantly, mirrors show H.H. what he truly is, which, of course, he tries to ignore.
H.H. first rapes Dolores in room 342 of the Enchanted Hunters. H.H. writes, "there was a double bed, a mirror, a double bed in the mirror, a closet door with mirror, a bathroom door ditto, a blue-dark window, a reflected bed there, the same in the closet mirror, two chairs, a glass-topped table, two bedtables, a double bed." This is when the mirrors become obvious, and you have to pay close attention to the rest of the book to catch the rest of them. The Annotated Lolita writes that Nabokov's characters "continually confront mirrors where they had hoped to find windows, and the attempt to transcend solipsism is one of Nabokov's major themes." The book also notes that Quilty's house is coated in mirrors!
No matter how much H.H. wants to be the good guy, he is always faced with the truth: he sucks. He won't directly admit this, but like the pretentious, self-righteous, cryptic asshole he is, he will include it for those who really listen to find. Early in the book, he watches a young girl in a nearby apartment as she undresses in a mirror. He focuses on her rather than noticing himself, also in the reflection, standing far behind her and being a creep.
The room 342 is important - 342 is also the numbers of Dolores' home address. Once Dolores runs away, H.H. checks the guest lists of 342 different hotels, looking for clues, finding some, and not deciphering them. There is even a hint dropped by H.H. of Quilty being a doppleganger (mirror!) on page 243, the reversal (mirror!) of 342. No matter how much H.H. tries, he can't escape mirrors or the numbers 342 - symbolizing the home he took Dolores from, the hotel room he raped her in, and the search after Dolores ran away. The number 342 is another mirror.
3. Quilty.
Clare Quilty! The shadow of our enemy, Humbert Humbert. Don't get it twisted - we hate Quilty, too. Quilty is introduced when H.H. first moves in with Charlotte and Dolores in Ramsdale. Charlotte's neighbor is a dentist related to Clare Quilty, a playwright. After this is explained, there are hints of Quilty appearing throughout the book. Anytime there is mention of an ominous unnamed man, it's Quilty. H.H. writes in Quilty the way he experienced it - you don't really notice it until it's pointed out, and then you see it everywhere. I was spoiled - I found out about Quilty about halfway through the book, and then I went back to previous chapters and noticed there had been hints of him everywhere. They're very, very small and hard to catch. Fun fact: there is one mention of a random man in the book, but Nabokov himself said despite everyone's beliefs, that man is not Quilty. The rest are confirmed to be Quilty.
Quilty is by far the most interesting character to me. Not because of his personality, but because of the way he was included in this book. He literally is H.H.'s shadow, even following Dolores and H.H. during their second travels, staying a safe (but noticeable) distance away. Quilty is a reflection of H.H. H.H. refuses to acknowledge this and instead envisions himself as the hero and Quilty as the villain. Ignoring the mirrors, yet again.
H.H. and Quilty have lots of similarities. Both are pedophilic, pretentious, well-read, and manipulative. They would actually make great friends if they weren't enemies! However, they do differ with how they act on their pedophilia. H.H. worships Dolores and romanticizes their relationship, while Quilty doesn't bother with any of the adorations. Dolores is just another ragdoll to play with. Quilty is also more straightforward about his pedophilia. H.H. attempts to act as Dolores' father figure, hide himself and Dolores from the rest of the world, and justify his behavior. Quilty doesn't try to play father figure, he goes straight to attempting a relationship with Dolores. He doesn't try to hide, he immediately introduces Dolores to others and tries to put her on film. Lastly, Quilty doesn't try to justify his behavior. When H.H. confronts Quilty, Quilty shows no remorse, no love or care for Dolores, and doesn't bother trying to make excuses.
There is a big debate on who is the worse pedophile. They're both equally bad, they just perform their awful act in two different ways. It's interesting to see how H.H. refuses to admit that he and Quilty are the same. He instead decides that Quilty has manipulated and hurt Dolores and must be punished. H.H. chooses to ignore the truth and continue living in his delusional world, where he pretends to love and care about Dolores. Quilty+Dolores and H.H.+Dolores are opposites, like all reflections are. Dolores likes Quilty and gets pushed away, while Dolores hates H.H. and can't seem to escape.
It doesn't matter how the abuse on Dolores happened. It doesn't matter if one pedophile was convinced he loved her while the other one didn't. It doesn't matter who Dolores liked more. The only thing that matters is H.H. and Quilty both abused Dolores and she will always struggle with the fact that she was their prey. Though the story is painful, the ending is the best it could be. Neither Quilty nor H.H. end up with peaceful lives or continuing their pedophilia, and Dolores ends up a survivor with a fresh start.
If you are reading the book and don't want to play "I-Spy, with my little eye, another pedophEYE-l", here are all of the pages on which the existence of Quilty is hinted: 4, 31, 32, 43, 63, 64, 69, 78, 89, 117, 121, 126, 127, 130, 138, 139, 152, 159, 163, 170, 186, 196, 200, 201, 202, 203, 207, 208, 209, 211, 213, 215, 217, 218, 219, 220, 221, 222, 223, 224, 226, 227, 228, 232, 235, 236, 237, 238, 240, 241, 242, 243, 246, 247, 248, 249, 250, 251, 252, 262. There are no more hints on Quilty after this, they are direct mentions of him, as H.H. finds out who he is.
4. "The Enchanted Hunters," the hotel and the play.
The Enchanted Hunters is the very first hotel H.H. and Dolores stayed in when they began their traveling. Quilty was also at this hotel and had a brief interaction with H.H. As I stated earlier, this hotel is where the first rape takes place, when H.H. claims Dolores seduced him.
After H.H. and Dolores spend a year traveling, they land in a town called Beardsley. In Beardsley, Dolores joins a play called "The Enchanted Hunters", written by our other antagonist, Clare Quilty. H.H. doesn't seem to think much of the play's title, assuming it's named after a New England legend. He also isn't aware that Quilty wrote the play. Dolores, however, decides to point out the "coincidence". This is where we have one of my favorite parts of the book, that made me very proud of Dolores:
"Can you remember," she said, "what was the name of that hotel, you know [nose puckered], come on, you know - with those white columns and the marble swan in the lobby? Oh, you know [noisy exhalation of breath] the hotel where you raped me. Okay, skip it. I mean, was it [almost in a whisper] The Enchanted Hunters? Oh, it was? [musingly] Was it?" - and with a yelp of amorous vernal laughter she slapped the glossy hole and tore uphill, to the end of the street, and then rode back, feet at rest on the stopped pedals, posture relaxed, one hand dreaming in her print-flowered lap.
The Enchanted Hunters play is (you guessed it!) a mirror. The play is about a farmer's daughter who hypnotizes hunters, "like Diana." The hunters don't remember their real lives when hypnotized; instead their memories are dreams or nightmares. One of the hunters, a poet, manages to avoid the spell by thinking of the girl (along with dancing nymphs and elves around) as part of his imagination. The young girl gets frustrated by the poet's inability to be hypnotized, and leads him to her farm and proves that she is not his creation. She is "but a rustic, down-to-brown-earth lass", and the two kiss. H.H. explains that the message of the play is "mirage and reality merge in love."
The young girl in the play is Dolores. The poetic hunter is H.H. The hunters target young girls, or "nymphets". Just as the last hunter is insistent that the enchantress is only in his imagination, Lolita is only in H.H.'s imagination. H.H. has created an imaginary girl he is obsessed with and Dolores is only the vessel. Unlike the poet, H.H. is so consumed with his dream of Lolita that he never realizes there is no Lolita. Also unlike the play, H.H. has hypnotized himself.
Unsurprisingly, this is another mirror that H.H. chooses to ignore. He does later refer to Dolores as his Diana - so it's unclear whether he later realized in prison that the play was representative of his story with Dolores, or if he read the play, thought "hey, that sounds like me and Lo", and intentionally ignored the play telling him "hey, sounds like you should recognize Dolores as a real person and not a fictional girl." Either way, it was another ignored chance for H.H. to realize the harm in his actions and stop before it got worse.
Quilty writing the play is a little bit more complicated. I haven't found anything to back this up online, but I theorize that Quilty understood everything that was going on in H.H.'s mind and decided to write a play about it - maybe to poke fun at H.H., or maybe just because he found it interesting. This is the most plausible explanation to me because Quilty is smarter and significantly less delusional than H.H. Some readers think Quilty is also supposed to be the poetic hunter in the play. I don't agree with this, as Quilty didn't create another Lolita, he just wanted to prey on Dolores as she is. If you read the book, please let me know your thoughts on this. To be fair to myself, I didn't bother looking up if anyone else had the same opinion as me. I'm sure others do, but I only noticed the "poetic hunter is both Quilty and H.H." theory. I'm also sure Nabokov himself has spoken about this, as he has about the rest of the book. I'm confident enough with my theory and comfortable enough with being wrong to not stress about finding if it's correct. This is the one part of this post that I haven't deep-dived into!
5. "Lolita" and the idolization of her from male-centric women and girls.
Now to the real meat of this post - the reason why I read this book in the first place. Let me first explain what male-centric women are. These are women who pretty much focus their entire lives on pleasing men, sometimes without even realizing it. In Gen-Z terms, we may call these women "pick me's", but it can even go beyond that. Male-centric women don't always do the "I'm not like other girls ;P" and instead do other things to attract men - their fashion, their makeup, their hair, their personalities, even their interests are adjusted to please the typical male gaze. I do want to note: I am mostly going to focus on fashion in this section, but I am not saying every woman and girl who likes this style is male-centric. I am only talking about specific women - those who idolize Lolita and romanticize the story.
Hopefully you haven't come across this side of the internet, and I'm sorry to teach you about something so disheartening. Back in the 2010-2015 Tumblr days, there was something called "Pro-Ana Tumblr." It was the side of Tumblr where young girls (usually 12-17) post about their anorexia. Not to raise awareness, like you might think, but to contribute to other girls' eating disorders and even make non-ill girls become anorexic as well. Pictures of bone-showing girls were posted and coined "thinspo". They would post about how they were struggling to not eat and other girls would encourage them to continue their fasting. It was horrible. They would also post pictures of fat women and talk about how disgusting they found fatness. They would brag about how little they ate in the day. They would share tips on throwing up and avoiding eating. It was some of the most heinous shit you could find on the internet. Tumblr eventually died out and everyone moved onto Twitter. I will not be referring to Twitter as "X", as I am not an actual journalist, nor am I a Republican. Unfortunately, Pro-Ana Tumblr did not die with the switch. Instead, Edtwt was created and is still very, very active. It has the exact same content as Pro-Ana Tumblr had.
You might think, "surely this is just a small community and there isn't a large number of girls on this side of Tumblr and Twitter, right?" Wrong. This study checked how frequently hashtags relating to Edtwt or Pro-Ana Tumblr were used within a 24-hour period on June 12, 2014. In just this short amount of time, there were over 12,000 tweets and 73,000 Tumblr posts. Please note that this was back in 2014, when fewer people were on social media and the study was only tracking hashtags, which many people didn't (and still don't) use. Many, many posts are missing from this study. In 2014, Tumblr had about 207.3 million users so from my estimation (purely based off my personal use of Tumblr), I would say at least 3 million young girls were active in Pro-Ana Tumblr. Pro-Ana Tumblr was easy for every Tumblr user to come across. I stumbled it across it myself when I used Tumblr (thankfully I never fell into that trap). Now, Twitter has over 586 million users, so I estimate that there are at least 5 million girls on Edtwt. I estimate this because of what I have come across on Twitter, the higher number of users on the app, and because Tumblr was a little bit more complicated to use than Twitter is.
While I said it was easy to land on Pro-Ana Tumblr, it's even easier to land on Edtwt. I don't know if it has to do with the algorithms on the app, but I would come across Pro-Ana Tumblr about once a month and now come across Edtwt once a week. I'm not the only one with this issue, too. Currently, more people on Twitter are finding this sad community and it's becoming a big point to fight against it. If you ask any young Twitter user if they know what Edtwt is, I guarantee 99% of them will say yes, they have seen posts from it before. It's unclear whether Edtwt is growing or if it just so happens to be coming across more people's for-you page. Either way, it's awful and sad.
Why is this relevant? I've done my fair share of digging through these communities, purely out of curiosity, and noticed a few things: They all love Lana Del Rey, they all have the same fashion sense (coquette), and they all love Lolita.
The girls on Pro-Ana Tumblr and Edtwt talk constantly about this book. They have romanticized it. Some of these girls even want to be called "Lolita". They have "Lolita" or "Lo" in their usernames. Their love for this book was likely contributed to by their lord and savior, Lana Del Rey (hereinafter, "LDR". She doesn't deserve to be referred to by name!). LDR has written a few songs that have lines referring to Lolita. Some of these lyrics are about how it's bad to be in a relationship with an older man, but like all of her songs, they still come off as sultry, sexy, and romantic. It's very, very easy to misinterpret these songs. They can be viewed as "this relationship is bad but very sexy." Despite these songs conveying a message about how relationships with older men are toxic, LDR has one song called Lolita. The song describes a girl who many men are sexually attracted to, but she has her own man she is loyal to. She is promising this man she won't go with other boys (much like H.H. disallowed Dolores to do) and is proud that she landed him, but may also want to partake in prostitution. If it isn't obvious enough, here is why this song sends a bad message: 1. It makes girls feel powerful for being able to sexually attract older men, 2. It teaches young girls that it's an honor for an older man to love them, 3. The song is upbeat and whimsical, making it seem like this relationship is fun and idealistic. And you know what? It's not even a good song.
Coquette fashion is a feminine, delicate, dainty, and romantic style. It's flooded by pastel colors, ribbons, lace, hearts, and flowy dresses. If you guessed that LDR is often credited for influencing this fashion to young girls, you're correct! It's also important to note that coquette style can sometimes be fatphobic, likely due to the Edtwt and Pro-Ana girlies using this as their staple fashion. Do you remember what I said earlier, about H.H. and his fatphobic comments towards women? To quote myself: "...H.H. is also incredibly fatphobic. He calls every single adult woman in this book fat. This is another thing that should be taken with a grain of salt - are these women fat, or are they just not little girls? Are they fat, or do they just have boobs and curves? And if they are fat, who fucking cares?"
There is nothing wrong with this fashion sense when it's viewed as just a style (and when fat people aren't shit on for wearing it), it can be a fun way for women and girls to feel empowered by their femininity. However, when it ties into Lolita, it's not exactly great.
As I've previously mentioned, Dolores and Lolita are not the same girl. Dolores is the body and real girl that H.H. has created Lolita through. Dolores is a sassy, messy, intelligent, outspoken tomboy. She likes to play outside and read comic books. She has an attitude (like a typical 12-year-old) with her mom and later, H.H. She's actually a pretty cool kid. Dolores doesn't seem to care much for fashion, only wearing girly or "pretty" clothes when her mom takes her to church. H.H. tries to change Dolores into Lolita - he buys her clothes that would now be seen as "coquette," tries to interest her in culture and French, dislikes the "childish" books she enjoys, and complains about her attitude. He wants Dolores to be a submissive, sweet, docile child and doesn't care that she isn't. Rather than accepting that Dolores is not his imaginary Lolita, he continues to call her by his creation's name and attempt to change her. H.H. never really accepts Dolores for who she is. This is proof that his main excuse of loving Dolores isn't even plausible. H.H. doesn't love Dolores, he lusts after her physical attributes and loves Lolita.
I didn't refer to Dolores as "Lolita" in this post for this reason. Referring to Dolores by her abuser's name for her feels disrespectful to the child, even if she is a fictional character. Therefore, idolizing Lolita is highly disrespectful. The girls on Edtwt and Pro-Ana Tumblr don't like Dolores. They like Lolita. They want to be Lolita. They love the clothes H.H. makes Dolores wear, they love how heavily romanticized the story is by LDR's lyrics. They love being the delicate, feminine, virgin-white girls that H.H. and other men typically love. The girls want to be the creation of H.H.'s desires, not their own selves. They are male-centric. Please note: I started writing about how this ties in with the "Daddy kink" and how disgusting it is, but I felt pretty damn gross thinking about it too much and don't want to go into detail. This is the one time I will let you do the math yourself.
I don't think these women/girls have actually read the book. Like I mentioned previously, it's very clear that H.H. is not the good guy and this relationship isn't okay. Hell, there's even a point in the book where H.H. is explaining to Dolores how much worse her life would be if she went to the authorities about her abuse, manipulating her. You don't have to be a genius to realize that we should be feeling bad for Dolores, not idolizing Lolita. All of this love for Lolita makes me think these girls (LDR included) haven't actually read the book. Or maybe these girls have read the book, joined the 50% of readers that believe Dolores did seduce H.H., and decided she is a "powerful badass" for doing so. Even if this were true, Dolores didn't feel like a "powerful badass", she felt like prey. She quickly realized how awful this was and regretted it/realized it was rape. I cannot emphasize enough how much Dolores despised H.H., argued with him, refused him, and eventually had to be bribed into letting him abuse her because of how much she hated it. This wasn't a "read between the lines" thing, it's one of the few things H.H. never shied away from directly pointing out. Children do not understand the actual implications of their actions. Children don't understand the weight of this stuff. Children can't even consent. It really doesn't matter if Dolores "came onto" H.H., he was the adult in the situation and had the responsibility to do the bare minimum of not raping her. Dolores had a terrible time. I wish the Edtwt and Pro-Ana girls would see this.
Luckily, I have seen many girls on Twitter who speak about how they used to be a part of Edtwt and try to pull other girls out! Lolita-loving girls also don't completely understand what a relationship between a young girl and grown man means. Shit, when I was 14, Ezra and Aria were my favorite relationship in Pretty Little Liars! All this is to say, please don't hate on these girls. They are not bad people, they are children. The best thing we can do is try to spread information about the dangers of eating disorders and try to get girls to lean away from the idea that they are here for men's pleasure. Awareness is the best medicine. If you want to wear coquette fashion, go right ahead! But please, for the love of God, wear it because you want to and you like how you look in it - not because you want to be Lolita or liked by men. If you do like LDR though, I am judging you, because she's the adult pushing this onto children and otherwise an awful human being. ;)
Thank you!
If you have read everything in this post, congratulations! You win nothing but my appreciation! If you didn't, boo. I know this was long and it wasn't even all of what I wanted to talk about. ...So surprise! There's more:
1. H.H.'s belief in fate until things don't go his way.
2. H.H. calling Dolores "Carmen".
3. The level of detail H.H. remembers about Dolores and no one else.
4. H.H.'s additions to the book, reminding the readers he's writing from prison.
5. H.H.'s humor.
Just kidding! I won't make you sit through that. But if you do read the book, please reach out to me about these as I would love to share my thoughts and hear yours.
As a reminder, this blog is specifically for the banned books I read. So of course we have to ask the question, should this book be banned? Yes and no. I can see why it's not included in public school libraries. It definitely shouldn't be in middle school and under - not that the kids could understand the language anyway. I fear kids would get the wrong idea from it. High school is a little bit different. Some kids are more mature than others, and might be able to understand the proper intentions behind Nabokov's writing. Others, not so much. It would be a great book to read in college or perhaps high school for an English Literature class, with the caveat that relationships like this are not okay. Basically, anyone who has the proper level of maturity and ability to think critically will be able to – and should – read this book. Read it the way Nabokov intended, don't misconstrue it the way some readers have.
Thank you so much for reading this post. I had a great time reading and writing about this book. I truly didn't expect to love this book so much. I thought it was going to be a horrible experience so I'm very shocked! This is going to be a tough one to follow, but I'm very glad I started this banned book journey with Lolita. See ya!
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